The 4 Elements of Deliciousness

I was feeling rogue.  Best beware when I'm feeling rogue.  Serious stuff goes down.

It's last semester senior year, and I felt like trying a foodtruck I hadn't visited yet.  Turns out that it was fairly easy.  I've drifted into a comfort zone, visited the same foodtrucks over and over - don't want to mess with a "real"-ly good thing.  But then I heard that the Philly foodtruckers were thinking of unionizing and hey, if they can do something crazy, then so can I!  You go foodtruckers; stick it to the government and park on whatever sidewalk you want!  Just so long as you're still willing to sell me something that tastes good and is absolutely horrible for my health, you've got my full 2000 recommended daily allowance caloric blessing.

So I've heard of this truck called Bui's a couple of times - it's got some awesome artery-clogging, fat-filled meals of happy contentedness. So last night (I'm trying to appear "normal" by saying I only thought about this the day before.  I'd actually planned this for a couple of days) I'm like, yeah, that's what I'm doing for lunch.

And, this morning, it just so happened that my path took my right along Bui's at 38th and Spruce.  No kidding, I was still at least 150fit away and I could smell the bacon cooking.  That's what mornings are supposed to smell like.

My heart started beating faster and my legs nearly pulled me to the truck window to eat "lunch" at 9am.  Somehow I resisted.  I'm not saying eating lunch at 9am is a bad thing.  It's just that when you've planned something for so long, it's important to stick to the plan and not throw in any crazy variables.

It was a smart move too.

Forget the 4 elements according to Classical thought.  This sandwich has the four elements of deliciousness: Egg, bacon, ham, and sausage.  Booyah!

(it also has cheese and a mysterious orange-y substance called "Bui sauce" - it tastes good, that's all that matters. i don't ask questions - but i couldn't include them in the metaphor cause that'd obviously mess it up, duh)

I had a hunch about this sandwich.  So, after some careful investigation, which really consisted of me sitting down and trying to think up something that I thought was clever (it's obvious that I have very low standards for myself and why I never discuss posts beforehand with people - partly because they'd be shot down pretty quickly and partly because I make it up as I go), I ascertained two possible reasons for why this foodtruck is named "Bui's."

1) The owner's last name is Bui and the truck is, in fact, named after the owner.

Generic, traditional, not all that suspicious, but doubtful.  If it's not interesting, it's probably wrong (I could swear that's how Sherlock solves his cases).

The second, much more sinister, and, in my view, much more likely explanation (that was a lot of commas) is that this foodtruck is part of an underground, multi-national organization of foodtruckers bent on a evil plot - a plot they think everyone else would consider so absolutely far-fetch that we would fail to sense it even if provided a stark, blatant clue right under our very tongues.  And I, with my enhanced sensitivity to my gut instincts, have seen and tasted it.

2) It has something to do with buoys (you know those things that float out on the water and every little kid wants to take home even though he has no idea what they're supposed to be - don't tell me I was the only one who thought that way).  I don't know what exactly it has to do with that, but all I know if that Bui = buoy.  You can't argue with the evidence.  Possibly, they want to make us as fat as buoys.  Wouldn't surprise me.  But if all their food tastes this good, I'm down with helping them out.

After all, consider that this sandwich is called the Hangover Special.  I'm pretty sure it's because your stomach is hanging over your pants after eating it.

(imagery is more effective when it's true)

I really enjoyed this one.  Every single bite in fact.  Crunch on the outside, fat in the middle...yummers.

And that right there is the "Bui sauce" dripping down.  Had a nice, spicy kick to it.  Definitely an honorary bonus element.

Thought I'd switch up the godbite picture and do a godbite video.  It allows the necessary visualization of all the needed angles.  Feel free to slow it down and pause as needed.  Sometimes still imagery just doesn't cut it.  Maybe next I'll experiment with 3D.

"Do you have your eating buddy?"

I feel that growing up as an American boy, my favorite food naturally had to be pizza.  It seems to be an unwritten law.  Birthday parties, sports team outings, the Pizza Hut BookIt club - everything was celebrated with pizza.  And yet, we never grew tired of it.  Eventually we all get older and then wimp out and give in to peer pressure since it's expected that our tastes have to become more refined... 


Oh, I like Filet Mignon! or I like the chocolate truffle strawberry cheesecake layered with dark chocolate mousse, and so on and so on...

But I honestly think that we had it all right to begin with.  Deep in the back of our minds the thing we all desire, what we really want if we were completely honest with ourselves is a good, hearty pizza with a puffed, crunchy, chewy crust and topped with gobs of stringy mozzarella cheese.  Pepperoni, sausage, extra cheese, (vegetables I don't exactly approve of but do as you see fit), stuffed crust, etc.  They transform a pizza in a way almost akin to using helium to blow up balloons instead of using your own breath.  The effect is magical - the fun factor quadruples!

The pizza can be coal-oven fired, brick-oven fired - hey, it can even be fire-fired for all I care - or any other crazy cooking gimmick the baker wants to use.  Just so long as I get to walk into that pizzeria and fill my lungs with that heavenly air laden with the sweet ambrosia of pizza-ness.

Anyways, I've always had these expectations for what a pizza is permitted to be topped with.  Perhaps it because it's the same wherever one goes.  Or, almost everywhere.  This past week, I was introduced to the pizzas as Dock Street Brewery.  I was not prepared. (oh, and as a side-note, this pizza was "hardwood fired").

 This had "Fig jam mozzarella, Gorgonzola, apple smoked bacon, and fresh herbs."

And this one had "Parma prosciutto bacon, crushed tomatoes, mozzarella, fontina, Gruyere, Gorgonzola, and parmigiano."

I know the idea of exotic-sounding toppings violates all of our kid-rules about pizza toppings, but perhaps this is a way of  unifying those two disparate drives of "pizza-want" and the misguided need for the appearance of a refined palate. 

It was a horrible tease to put a quote from Finding Nemo in my title and not to refer to it until now.  But, Dude did put it best.

The buddy system is not to be underestimated.  Wonderful things come as a result of the buddy system.  Not only does it keep you from getting run over by cars when you're crossing the street in Kindergarten, but it also doubles the Per Event Tasting Opportunity (PETO; pronounced pea-toe) - it's a technical term.

Order different, then split.

I went about this in a rather methodical manner.  One piece of fig jam pizza, one slice of the other. It was an aesthetic call for which slice I wanted to finish on.

Always need to have crust in on the godbite, and since there's bacon, that has to be in there too.  That leaves two options, the bacon chunk in the middle of the slice close to the crust or the one on the bottom edge.

Since, measuring from the outside of the slice, I always want the length of the crust and that of the cheese-covered portion to exist in what I like to call, The Golden Ratio of Pizza (that's for all you math people and engineers), I went for the bottom part.  The bacon serves as an approximate distance marker for the godbite, and it looks awesome.  But that's what the Golden Ratio does for you.  This is educated eating.

Sweet & Sour

First off, gotta say, those people at Dunkin Donuts has done a huge disservice to the sweet culinary confection from which they derive their name.  They have unfortunately popularized the donut while I, in the whole donut vs doughnut debate, staunchly plant my feet on the side of the doughnut.  It's not that I'm against donuts.  I love eating them just as much as doughnuts.  Give me a dozen of either and I'll be content.  But, doughnuts have so much more character and class (even flair for that matter).  The quick, 1-minute, instant, microwaved American meal is to the donut what a ritzy, upscale dinner with a glass of wine is to the doughnut.  If someone walked up to me on the street and ask if I wanted a donut or a doughnut, without a moment's hesitation I'd respond, "Give me the doughnut."

With that cleared up, let's continue.

So this was actually yesterday.  I was lazy and didn't post.  But lucky for you I make it up in a sweet two-for-one deal, actually a sweet and sour two-for-one deal.  You'll see.

Anyways, yesterday was Pi Day, and there's me sitting on my chair thinking, "How should I celebrate Pi Day?"  After all, any event that has its own day obviously has to be celebrated.  I didn't want to be cliche or boring so that ruled out eating a pie.  Instead, I just thought circle and rolled with it (get it? circles roll.  actually wheels roll, but they're circular.  give me a break. I thought it was funny).  And thus it was decided.  Doughnuts, or in this case donuts, it was.

My favorite donut is the chocolate coconut cake donut.  My second favorite is the glazed stick.  But, wouldn't you know, the Dunkin Donuts on Penn's campus doesn't have either (nor does campus have a Chick-fil-a.  that's another sore spot).  My third favorite is Boston Creme.  You gotta be kinda careful with those though.  Sometimes the person making them has absolutely zero idea what he's doing and he injects the creme all on one side of the donut leaving the other end as dry as the Sahara.  Instead, I chose the festive green icing for St. Paddy's Day (is that just the way people who can't talk say St. Patty's or are they two different things?) and the old favorite, glazed chocolate.

Would ya look at this?  Just look at this!

I love taking macro shots of food.  It makes the food seem so tall...and handsome....

...or rather, a giant skyscraper of a donut towering miles above my head.  I gaze upwards, dumbstruck, consumed with the thought, "It's all mine!"  And then I start eating.

Of course it completely defies logic that I would be able to fit a donut thousands of times larger than myself into my stomach, but the whole donut mansion/skyscraper thing is completely realistic.

So planning out the mode of approach.  It came down to size vs. beauty.  The bottom right with the double cross has some really nice texture and contour, almost a landscape look to it.  The intersection of the three lines just adds to the beauty.  The left side however, with the single cross and where it looks like somebody decided to sit, is most certainly wider and thus has more icing.  And, since I'm really here for the sugar, that's where I when.

That didn't mean I could resist taking a picture of the pretty side.

So we've gotten down to business and isolated the area of interest.

Just one issue remains.  There is far too much do in that do-nut (see? that would have made so much more sense if I had said "far too much dough in that dough-nut) compared to icing.

Now, it's chopped down to size.

 And like almost all icing covered desserts, it enters the mouth icing-side-down where it meets and happily unites with the tongue.  Just remember, in grade school they taught you about the different types of taste receptors and where they are on the tongue for a reason.  It's so you know where on your tongue you're suppose to put this baby for maximal enjoyment. 

And now for the sour.  So Logan, Casey, Andrew, and I go down to the dorm office this morning bright an early to get in line for subsidized movie tickets.  Gotta love house events.  We realize, "Hey, out of the twenty people in line, we're the only dudes."  Who'da thunk that we'd be the only guys interested in seeing The Hunger Games.  Really, it's basically a gladiator fight in the forest - that's what I'm hoping.  What I'm hoping it isn't is Twilight 2.0 since the last thing I want is to decide whether I'm on Team Muscles, Team Sparkles or some other Vertice of a Love Triangle Team.  Why can't I just be on my own team, Team Awesome.

But my mind was soothed when I saw these things in the candy basket.  I haven't seen Warheads in ages!  Probably non since middle school when the best thing to do with these was play "How many can you put in your mouth at once?"

Wouldn't these things be sweet weapons for the hunger games.  Here you go enemy-who's-trying-to-kill-me, have some candy - BAM - gotcha!  No godbite in those things.

Whiz-dom

This look says it all.

WHERE ARE THEY!!??!  Although I'm not sure that it's so much a quizzical look as it is the look of a supreme carnivore that basks in its spot at the top of the food chain.

Either way, there are certain men you should never keep waiting.  There are certain foods for which you should never make people wait.  And then there are certain men in the presence of certain foods you should never keep waiting.  And this food escapade, cheesesteaks from Tony Luke's, most definitely falls into the latter category.  Sorry Sean and Carter.  We were dying.  With the hype, the smells, and the watching other people chow down on their cheesesteaks, a tiny part of us died inside. We started hyperventilating when we realized you had gone to grab everyone water.  The mixed emotions, the inner turmoil, as your act of kindness tore apart our souls (and stomachs) with conflict, were inexpressible.  We were at the point of breaking, eagerly awaiting and praying for your return, when finally, yes, you came.

This is what I've been looking forward to for the whole week.  Tony Luke's.  I've heard a lot about it, but had never been, til now.  I've now hit all the players: Pat's, Geno's, Jim's, and Tony Luke's.  Sad that it took me four years to finally get to all of them. 

I truly believe there's only one way to get a cheesesteak.  I don't mean to come across as an arrogant, stuck-up Philadelphian who makes you rehearse the precise slang, accent, hand gestures, and facial sneer that must accompany your approach to the check-out window as you place an order.  It's just that, in my belief (forget belief.  too weak a word.  let's go with hard, scientific, proven fact), a cheesesteak needs steak, duh, fried onions, and cheese whiz.  Provolone, eh, ok, fine.  American?  Never.

Why whiz?  Just try saying that five times fast, and you'll start saying "wise."  That's why.  Top your sandwich with this stuff and be filled with "whiz-dom."  Let's walk through why.

First off, here's where Tony Luke's completely dominates Jim's (I had Geno's and Pat's too long ago to compare).  Putting aside the fact that Tony Luke's gives you large, juicy slices of steak rather than the super, ultra, chopped-up shards than verge on looking and tasting like ground beef (which totally defeats the point of paying $8 for a sandwich) like they do at Jim's, Tony Luke's puts the cheese whiz on top of the steak rather than underneath like they do at Jim's.  Why's this important?

Because this gooey, completely processed, salty, yet inexplicably delicious concoction with an expiration date over 8 years in the future seeps through the crevices of the steak working its way down until every nook has been filled.  And then, whatever whiz does end up finding its way through the steak maze is soaked up by the bun creating a joyful medley of diverse flavors and textures.

At Jim's, the whiz and steak are relegated to their separate spheres with minimal intermingling making one mouthful primarily steak and the next cheese/bun.  The worst part, however, is that the bun absorbs all the whiz thereby weakening the hinge joint of the sandwich.  A sandwich with a weak hinge joint is a sandwich doomed to failure.  The seam pops, and out it falls...oh the humanity.

And whiz means it squirts out from the opposite end after each bite, also important.

Whiz through and through and soaked up by the bun.

But here's where the whiz droppings are important.  They pool, and then you set the cheesesteak right on top.  Whiz inside.  Whiz outside.  It's pure whiz-dom.

Making for a perfect soupy mess of a godbite.  I would've turned it up-side-down to show you the extant of quality soakage underneath, but I had forgotten my camera and was using Matt's (which he preemptively brought in case I forgot mine), and my fingers were already in a questionable enough state as it was to be using a camera.

Remember, whiz is good.  It's even worth licking your left over wrapper for.

Yellow Eggs & Jam

Catch the reference in my title?  I thought I was being clever.  I'm only four days late for Dr. Suess' birthday too.

Just in case you were wondering what sort of oddball mind thinks this way and all those other weird ways about food, I've gotta tell you, I don't have an answer.  Sorry (And in the off chance you don't think it's weird, we should get lunch sometime!  All other diners within hearing perimeter, beware).  But I just recently found this irregular mental architecture of mine has it's origins way back beyond when I was five.  At least that's some of the earliest evidence I have of it.

My grandmother was recently doing some cleaning in her room, walked into the kitchen, said that I might want to take a look at something after which she laid this on the counter and walked out.

Hmmm...ok Grandma.  I'll take a gander at it.  Oh look.  Aw, how cute.  I must've given that to her when I was little.  I was such a sweet little boy.

I was such a weird little boy. 

"...remember all your colors & shapes....remember all the colors in the rainbow"??

Really Ian?

I think my parents' note at the bottom was for fear that my grandmother might think they were in the smallest way responsible for that rather transcendental composition.

Possibly cute for a five-year-old.  Also really funny.  With the color scheme I've got going there, I must've been thinking of Fruit Loops or about the Lucky Charms rainbow or something.

I've been keeping busy over break.  Usually steamy, bubbling, molten concoctions evoke rather hellish imagery.  Not this one though.  I'll possibly have to save a post about this for later.

One of my family's favorite past times is bringing cookies to various places.  It's amazing how many people want to be your friend when you've got cookies.  In high school all the teachers loved my brothers and me because we would frequently bring in a whole tray of homemade cookies.  I think they were sad after Matt graduated not so much because they loved us but since it meant no more Mama Mac's cookies.

But today the roles were reversed.  Being home for spring break, it was my turn to make them for mi madre to bring to school.

Doesn't it look like the the outside of a cavernous, dark hole in the side of a mountain high up in the air, the ground frosted with a light covering of snow that has briefly melted only to freeze in the cool, night air creating a beautifully dangerous landscape that must be negotiated with awed care?  That'd be one cave I wouldn't mind visiting.  If only I could go spelunking in an cookie.  Life would be complete.  I wouldn't even mind getting lost in that cave.  I'd never go hungry!

Despite all temptation and wild daydreams, I wouldn't dare eat these.  Not today.  I'm the kind of thoughtful son who knows that they have another purpose...bribery.

And if I'm not going to eat one, them I'm sure not going to take any chances that someone else may eat one!!

But since this is already a really long post, I'm gonna blow through the main section.  No extravagant dinner or dessert out here.  Simple home-stuff.

 Home-made bread in the toaster.  Can't beat that!

 Eggs....jam....I know where he's going with this...

...jammed toast (is that a real adjective?) served with a nice omelet on the side.

...or is it?

Didn't see that coming did you?  A jam and egg sandwich.  I know people like their cheese and eggs, but believe me, you have to try jam and eggs.  It doesn't seem like that strange a combination to me (then again that's me speaking), but most of the time when I mention it to people, or better yet when they see me eat it, all I get is this really weird face contortion directed right at me. 

Anyway, since I'm constructing this little beauty, the godbite has to be planned from the beginning.  My favorite part of the slice is the crust.  People whine and complain about crusts, and some even cut them off.  But this isn't your pitiful supermarket brand featuring a measly excuse for a crust which is really more of a sad attempt to block you from the ecstasy of the fluffy, white interior.  This crust has real bite and complements the chewy insides.  Thus, you'll notice the heavier loading of jam along the top crust.

Bon appetite!  Give it a try some time.

Knights of the Ice Cream Table

SPRING BREAK! One of the all-time high points of the spring semester and well deserving of a celebration.  Already halfway through the semester!  Sick!

Now I know some people observe this festive occasion by heading down to the beaches of Florida...

...(which got nothing on "da Jersey Sho'."  Just fyi to you crazy people who somehow think the show is a real, true-to-life documentary, umm it's not.  Also, in NJ, we call it the "beach" not the "shore" - except for those from north Jersey who should really just be annexed to NY)...

...or some other really warm place while a few who consider themselves outside the box and creative thinkers head up to the mountains for some skiing (crazy people, what are you smoking!?). 

Me?  I also like to celebrate.  And by celebrate, I mean eat.  And by eat, I mean eat.

Like most spring break plans, I too have been planning mine for quite a while.  A friend was going to pick up my brothers and me and drive us home.  Except!....instead of heading straight home, we were going to drive 30 miles in the opposite direction through rush hour traffic.  What a way to celebrate!  All for this!

This is the Green Knight sundae from the Charcoal Pit in Wilmington, Delaware.  This medley of deliciousness boasts vanilla ice cream, hot fudge, marshmallow fluff, banana slices, walnuts, whipped cream, and a maraschino cherry. 

Notice how it's overflowing the sides of the gigantic goblet - a goblet by reason of its ridiculous size and the fact that the name of this sundae hearkens back to the medieval days of chivalry - and puddling at the bottom.

My heart went out to the waitress.  Her hands were covered with the fudge, marshmallow fluff, and melting ice cream that was dripping down the sides, and then she washed it off.  How can you not lick your fingers!!?  Poor girl.

Oh majestic mountain of marvel!  How dost I love thee!

Ever felt the need to break out into some good, old, Old English after reading about King Arthur's knight's?

I really wasn't as excited about the break aspect of spring break as much as I was for the opportunity to devour this beast.

Every knight needs his sword, and this Green Knight sundae comes with its own.  It is not for the faint of heart nor the weak of arm to wield such a weapon.  It's balance, perfect.  It's design, flawless.  Long enough to pierce deep into the flesh of the ice cream beast and slay him where he stands and yet strong enough to withstand the fierce battle that must precede such victory.

This dessert has a second bonus in addition to just tasting great.  It requires skill, planning, and an intimate understanding of physics to eat.  Notice that primordial soup of chocolate and vanilla gathering at the bottom.  Resorting to the traditional method of carving out a spoonful with a downward sweeping motion results in swelling sea of chilled cream that threatens to break the boundaries of the goblet.  Care, delicacy, and patience - that's the ticket.

Finally beyond the danger zone...

...and down to the godbite...errr "godslurp."

Mission complete.

And the crazy thing about the Charcoal Pit is that the sundaes aren't the only outstanding thing on the menu.  In fact, this place is probably better known for their milkshakes.  These are no Mickey D's, weird colored shakes.  They are premium shakes made with real ice cream.  Go to the Charcoal Pic, get a shake (or two), and finish off your meal with a sundae - it's all part of a healthy and well-balanced diet.